


The Will of The Force

by IrisPerea2004



Series: Celtic Thunder [2]
Category: Celtic Thunder (Band), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Fusion, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Jedi, Male-Female Friendship, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, possible PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 14:59:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19211812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrisPerea2004/pseuds/IrisPerea2004
Summary: They had argued before about the missions they had been on together. Ryan was usually right, and when he wasn't, he didn't hold it against her.This time, it was all he could do to keep from screaming the cold, uncaring Force.





	The Will of The Force

**Author's Note:**

> I have personally suffered from PTSD , and what happened to me is roughly what I describe happening to Ryan. If you have suffered from PTSD then I respect that you may have had a different experience,but do not say I don't know what I'm talking about.

Ryan sat on the steps of the Jedi Temple, his mind seething. 

_"You worry too much," he had said cheerfully. "We've been on so many rescue missions I could do this in my sleep."_

_The slim, grey eyed Serennian girl looked at him solemnly. "I know," she had said. "But it's good to be prepared."_

_"Paul is corrupting you," he had laughed._

Ryan wished with all his heart he had listened to the solemn young woman.

 

At the mess, he ate methodically, not caring at the moment whether what he ate was sweet folero or bantha poodoo. It all tasted like ashes to him. 

Someone dropped into the seat opposite him, where Ta'Ania would be sitting. Ryan bit his lip and dropped his eyes. He didn't feel like getting trouble for yelling at anyone else, but He swore by the bed he was born in that if anybody else thought to offer him the usual emptyheaded platitude 'There is no death, there is only the Force' he had a feeling that he'd go straight up barvy then and there.

It was Paul, Ta'Ania's uncle, and one of the members of the 'Thunder Unit' as the other Jedi affectionately called them. 

"I came as quick as I heard, Ryan," Paul said, his smooth voice sounding grave. "I'm sorry."

Ryan blinked hard. When he spoke, his accent was noticeably thicker. "What about the other lads?"

Paul sighed. "Colm's not going to make it in time for the funeral. I haven't heard from either Emmet(t), either, but the rest of us are on Coruscant."

 

 _After they had put the ship down it had been a gruelling walk to the camp of the kidnapped Senator and his wife._  
If only he had listened. Ye gods there are and uncaring Force why didn't he listen to her? It was Nam Chorios after all. There were always drochs. There were the Senator and his wife, yes, looking bruised but unharmed. No sign of the infernal drochs at least. And yes, there were the group of Old Timers who had taken them.  


Ryan forced himself to stop shaking. Drochs were one of the few things he was terrified of. Even the thought of one of the vile creatures sent a cold hand skittering down his spine.

He went to the wide panel of glass that separated him from the polluted, evil smelli air of Coruscant. In the night, for it could no longer really be called darkness, streak of light went by, past neon signs and garish displays.  
He couldn't even see the stars.  
He felt sick, and wished he could fall asleep.

Ta'Ania was terrified. Ryan felt it, and just as strongly felt her push away the unwanted feeling, for she couldn't afford to be distracted just then.

Then she froze, and a prickle of fear ran down Ryan's back. Before he realized what happened, she had screamed, a single tearing note, and lifted her lightsaber against a suddenly looming shadow. The biggest Droch that Ryan had ever seen scuttled up, and reared. It was fully half as tall and twice as wide as Ryan. Fear, and then a terrible understanding passed over her face, and in that terrible instant, Ryan knew what she was going to do, and was powerless to stop it. She mouthed something at him, and smiled.

Oh no. He could not live that again. 

Ryan bolted out of bed. No longer even femotely tired, he threw on his robe, and all but ran out of his room.

In the Room of a Thousand Fountains he sought his peace, trying to keep from replaying those horrible last momnts of his padawan's life. He had thought he would be alone.

George sat beside the waterfall, his eyes soft and unfocused as he looked at the waterfall as it cascaded over the glossy rocks. Ryan turned around, intending to leave so he didn't disturb his old friend.

George's eyes suddenly became alert, and he looked over at Ryan. 

"Come and sit," the bald headed man said quietly. 

Ryan obeyed, too weary and heartsick to argue, and for a moment they were silent. Then George said softly: "You're still broodin', aren't ya," in his lilting brogue.

Ryan gazed dully into the waterfall. "Aye," he grunted.

George looked at him sympathetically. "You're beginnin' ta worry the Counsel," he said softly. "They're sayin' that you got too attached to young Ta'Ania."

Ryan felt a dull fury move in his chest. "Do they, now?" 

George held up his hands defensively. "I was fairly attatched to her too, remeber, Ryan," he reminded softly. 

"I know," Ryan said, his infantile fury fading. 

"They're concerned that you may be fallin' ta the Dark Side," young, dark haired Damian said, dropping beside George without warning.

Ryan snorted.

"No," he said, positively. "I couldn't do that."

He lay down on the grass. "No, it'll pass. My grief will pass and all I will remember will be Ta'Ania. I just hope I don't get kicked out first. That'd be poor thanks for Ta'Ania indeed."

Paul's eyes were sad. "Indeed it would, Ryan. Indeed it would."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spelling is probably pretty bad in places. For some reason this is giving my device heart attcks so I'm cutting itii nto chapters

**Author's Note:**

> I recently heard that Damian got married! YAY! But on the other hand, that means that Jedi Knight Damian is being...less than faithful to the Jedi Code;)  
> Also you need to go watch the video posted on Youtube. I was seriously crying and giggling at the same time. Congrats to the happy couple, wherever you are!


End file.
